Absolution
by MarmaladeJacket
Summary: Snow is akin to forgiveness, ash is akin to failure.


The way I was breathing was some sort of a calming indication that I was alive. When the pain came, it backed up that theory. The snow had frozen me to a standstill outside the hospital. Nurses rushed to help, and I could only remember pain in my chest as they removed her from my arms.

My angel.

I couldn't remember how I got here. I just know that she was safe. I didn't matter while she was in danger. Now I can go to sleep…

…I feel so warm, but I'm still outside…red is a warm color.

I saved her, and now I am a hero…

…finally…a…

….

"Please…wake up, Silver."

A familiar call.

"Please…don't die!"

Pulling myself from slumber.

"Oh, God damn it…"

My eyes open to a shoddy hospital with a bare light bulb for…light. The walls are pockmarked with scratches, stains, even the occasional bullet hole. An IV made out of a beer bottle feeds through my arm. Surgical tools lay atop a wooden table; they seem to be from a hardware store.

And out of place in this mess is her. The one I saved. Blaze.

She looks pretty beaten down. Cuts and rips in her dress, bandages haphazardly wrapped around wounds, and tears in her eyes. Those hit me the most. She never cried.

She sees me staring at her, and stops sobbing long enough to stare right back in disbelief. She runs over to me and caresses me, tears flowing in relief. I questioned if this was the same being I knew before, but those thoughts were shot down quickly. She kept apologizing, saying how I should have left her there. But we both know that I would never leave her.

"You're my hero."

….

The doctor came about two hours later. He had reported that Blaze had suffered only mild injuries in the event, and that they would heal in due time. Then he waltzed over to me. The doctor was a raccoon, probably no less than 40; the doctor had the look, the one that shows that he knows almost everything he is talking about, but is never quite sure if he is correct. Not really encouraging.

"Mr…uh…"

"Silver", I respond. I have trouble saying my name.

"I…I don't know how to tell you this…easily…but…"

Oh, damn.

"I'm afraid you've lost all use of your legs due to the wounds you have suffered. It's surprising that you're surviving at all."

I do not respond. Blaze is speechless.

"We don't have the technology here to properly take care of you. Our tools are shoddy at best."

"D-d-doctor, we can find a way, can't we?"

"I…I'm sorry…"

"Doctor, you can't be serious! Isn't ther-"

"Damn it, where do you think we are? We're in a shithole in the middle of a warzone surrounded by God knows what. You're lucky we got him to wake up!"

I pretty much lose any other part of their conversation, because I try to touch my legs. I don't feel them. At all.

I start to breathe heavier, trying to think of a way to make them work again, but all I get is jack shit. I can't move them, and I begin to get dizzy. The noise of the argument mixed with the pain in my side with the odor of the hospital all attack my brain and all goes back to black again.

….

Blaze stayed with me the whole night. It was cold, so obviously, she was welcome to stay. We couldn't sleep, so we just talked. We talked about what had happened before we arrived here, this venue I have never seen, as I had forgotten how I even arrived to this place.

"We were chasing down some demons in the city remember?"

"…no."

"…uh…well, we left our hideout two days ago…during nighttime. The sky was unusually light that day…you know the usual red sky, but this was…this was lighter somehow. Not dark and foreboding like it always seemed, but open. It was strange to me."

"I seem to recall that."

She sniffed her nose, continuing with her story.

"We went scavenging for food, initially, but we needed to find some medicinal supplies. There was a store we were checking out, but when we got what we needed, some demons stole our meds…"

"Go on."

"I was relatively pissed after that…I ran after them, you were trailing along. I…should have stayed with you. They…they were running away to get help. I thought I was facing two or three, but not twenty, thirty! They overpowered me and…"

"You were knocked out."

"I thought I was going to die…I thought because of one careless mistake, that I might never see you again. You saved me. You saved my life. And for what? For you to lose your…" she choked, and started to cry. "It's not fair! You don't deserve this! I should have been in your place!"

"…no, no you never would have wanted that."

"What do you mean?"

"I thought you were going to die. Bleed out right in my arms. Do you know…do you even fucking know what that would have done to me? I would have…I…"

She embraced me as I began to cry. It felt so foreign. Here we were in hell, together, and yet so alone. So very alone.

"S-Silver?"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry…this all happened because of me…I…I just…"

"Shhh…it's alri-"

"No…it can't ever be again."

We kept in silence for what seemed an eternity. She spoke to me very quietly:

"Silver…I know this won't mean anything…but I need to tell you this. This has been a burden on my soul, and needs to be said."

She laid next to me, looking into my eyes; her breath warm against me, her arms caressing my head, she whispered the words I longed to hear for the longest time.

"Silver…I lovvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvjjn enjqnflkjnejnonrnvj en vnnq r oqrjfijqijrfjnrnjnnrnrnnrnjn n

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"IT'S GONE, THE DAMNED HOSPITAL IS GONE!'

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"SILVER."

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I thought I was a hero.

I thought I had made it in time.

I thought that if I ran as fast as I could, I would save her.

No.

I'm no hero.

I'm a failure.

….

I had risked everything to get Blaze there. I had a knife impaled in my goddamn side. But for nothing.

Nothing.

The hospital burned in the warm, blistering ash of the city. I couldn't feel anything; all I did was sit on my knees and hold her. I was so close, it was right there. RIGHT. THERE.

But, all for nothing.

"Sil-Silv…"

"…Blaze?"

"…lo..l…"

She died in my arms as I cried in my failure.

….

I left her there. Buried her under the ash of the hospital. I was dying, now. No help. No other survivors. Just me.

I walked my way toward a large chasm; the chasm itself was filled with fire and brimstone.

We had always said that this was our hell.

And so I jump down into the chasm without a second thought and as I fall I think of how much I loved her and how we could have been together in love and now we are nothing we are just ashes and everything burns and hurts but that

S

O

K

I did OK.

And that's all that matters, right?

…


End file.
